If my heart could find
breath once again, if there was
a way to regain what we
lost, would you still speak to me?
And do you still think of
me? I believe you do, smoke
screen cigarettes, blocking
out all the good songs serenading
our memories, if I could
find the words, would we be
for better, or would be for
worse? Careening stars form
red steaks and bars across
my wrists, blood droips in the
form of broken glass
and pink ribbon scars sing
my veins to sleep, I cannot
even seem to abide by my own
set of hazards, I catch myself
dead to rights, beaten and tired,
drawing breath, pretending
my luck is anything less than
a cruel joke, the sirens
resting in the back alleys of
my vocal chords are
sc-sc-sc-screaming tonight, laughing
to the beat of sad songs, nails
scratching down the walls of
this prison cell, my memory won’t
allow me to play the blues, my
hands won’t give in to this
tomb, imprisoned in frenetic
balls of light and crashing
sounds of glass, these are the
things that make up my
life, the remains-the worry-the
pretending to be okay,
and I never had a good time that
I couldn’t just as soon forget,
and what would you say, that is
to say, how could you forget?
In recent times my life has become
so subtle, littered with pieces
of the night, and nineteen eighty
eight doesn’t seem so long ago,
nineteen ninety seems like just
yesterday, wooden fences and
the hope that tomorrow would be
better, even though we both
know, that it could never be, and
you say, you never could let
it go, and I say, we were but a rope
soaked in kerosene, your kiss
a match, and my lips are but
blood soaked striker boards, and
even now, just before dawn
I recall the way you would laugh,
and recoil into the wind,
these wounds will not stop bleeding,
these bandages will not keep
my insides in, they spill across the
ground, and I drown in pools
of blood – my own, you could be
a dear and leave me here, and
I think that this time you will, your
fate no longer intertwined with
mine, you heart no longer singing
in perfect time with a sinner like
me, liars and cheats, I am no longer
condemned to your heart, or
that is to say, you are no longer
willed to be mine, I call your
name, the wind a sail to your ears,
but the echo never does breach
your fears, fallen to silence, and
dying…dying…dying, this
is threatening to tear me apart,
why must we end this way?
There are sayings and scriptures and
quotes of would be inspiration,
but those are for the hopeful, words
for those who dare to dream, those
who endeavor to make a better
life, the fearless are only better than
those who are damned to be
laced with fear, and what happens to
the rest of us? God dammit, what
happens…what happens to the hopeless?


Forever Is A Lie.

I have traveled thousands of miles,
trying to forget you, tell me how could you
compromise, these cycles and
endless days cut through me like a knife,
nothing short of a massacre, a
bitter waste, so poisonous, melodramatic
to the taste, your ruminations on
religion and politics are mundane, your
voice, your voice, oh how it may
st-st-st-stuuuutter when you say my
name, remember the days of
pain, and how your mind always resorts
to the end game, and I say grab
me another beer, back of the fridge,
over the bar, under the bar,
and I say give me another hit, give me
another bump, allow me to live
in the belly of this beast, force myself
to live, for myself to recognize
that this, well this is only a means to
an end and that, is nothing
short of a shame, and you call me
a friend, drive on through the
night, only recall your best intentions
but what of all those lies, all your
most devious inventions, did you really
forget the last time you dug your
knife into my back, carved out my
insides, and yes my dear, serenade
me to sleep, tell me your lies, remind
of always and forever, and I will
still retort forever and always, mindless
resorts in my mind, and I reserve
the right to kill this feeling over and
over again, to live in reverse, and
that’s why we couldn’t stay, and you say
“oh honey, Ill never go away”, behind
the wheel of ever burning fires,
rugged terrain, and terracotta hearts,
a false marriage, and a copper ring,
lovely girl why don’t you call this a cease
fire, allow me to just bleed here
awhile, so sew my wounds up with
what reminds of severed heart
strings and vodka soaked memories
of fucking you, and tonight I’m
not coming home, tonight is the start
of forever, and I swore to love
you, you called it renewed, revowed,
restored, and that’s when the
doubt set in, and all these years, and
months and days that have gone
by, I draw ever closer to the day that
I will die, and your dreams only
rest against my wallet, my pride, my
dime, the rest is gone, and if I
would have known, I would have just
let myself die, and you lied sweetheart,
when you said I saved you – “oh
my God you saved me”, and that’s when
I should have realized that forever,
well my “love”, forever is a God damn
lie, and the staccato prison that
is my undying heartbeat, a frozen
moment in time, a twinkle in
your eye cast about this city sky, and
still I remember you, only because
I am unable to forget, and every time
I say your name, I find myself
seething with anger and bitter regret.
I drag on my last cigarette, cowboy
killers, red and soon to be dead, the tip
lit bright and burning embers
continuous orange, fire in the sky, and
my dear, I don’t miss you one bit,
and just as they say forever is a lie, well
so is that, so is that….so…is….that.
I draw on the neck of this warm beer,
my mind clear, and riddled with
fear, and I say I am burning. You’re no
better than me. I’ll see you in Hell.


Your voice, caresses my ears,
even my dreams…they haunt me, in ways
that you could never know, your
lies bury my soul, fools chasing gold
and lies untold, your mind has
become something so unhinged, and
I still regret the days and nights
that I spent worrying about you, no
more, my alter ego tells a story
that only she can hear, worry and fear
resonates through the overcast
skies, open wounds spill their contents
onto my pride, I could never be
any better than I was, except for the
fact that I am unable to account
for who I am now, my actions are now
turbulent at best, ominous tones
and mascara laced intentions, deep
and dark secrets cast their gaze
amongst the scattered masses, but
these words are but bursting
pods of misery and despair, I have
a memory of better days, and
all the ways she used to pretend, blue
pools of light, depth was considered
to be a sin, and you never once
cared, you never once considered that
those wounds you spent so much time
dressing, were actually created by
none other than you, venomous,
elicit whore, searching in the darkness,
you come up bleeding, time and
time again, I forgive such butchering,
my hands severed at the wrists,
and all you could do was shower yourself
in the blood, cast yourself against
the wall, crying tears of saline, they were
so corrosive, but inside laughing at
the mess you made of me, my soul condemned
to damnation, a cavernous place also
known as your “heart”, but that, no that was
the biggest lie of all…I remember
days spent in the water, your voice, or
should I say voices…calling to me,
such soft tones, but under those lied
the malignant shards of exploding glass and
barbed wire, intended to rip the very
sinew out of my body, dripping
with gnarled, and maimed remains of
the man you once claimed to “love”, God
now I am left to wonder, “who the Hell am
I?”, your voice, that hell bound thing, laced
with razors and knives, cutting into
the very core of what remains, my finger
choking beneath a band of turning
green with envy copper, false intentions,
conjecture and blame, you made
a gutter of me, scabbed over with the
blood of an oh-so-dead thing, and
that was us, and in the night, I recall the
way you would look through me, and
pretend, your smile might as well have
turned on its inside, and I knew it
then, that you had me right where you
wanted me, as I looked back you
with such…honesty, the words crept from
my lips, I believed you once again,
that this would never happen again, I said…

sing to me.

An outstretched ribbon, floating
so gently against the breeze, squeezed
together so neatly, of all things
they held so dear, and as her shadow
rocks back the hammer of the gun,
and ignites the combustion, her finger
draws and pulls, she says back to
him, in a voice so low and sweet, that
only he can hear….

…sing to me.


His fingers trace invisible
lines over a face he can no longer see,
the remains of something that
was never even real, clouds part
ways, and the miserable fools
relegate themselves to nothing, nothing

at all.

Here, we call ourselves – “fools”,
a name for those of us that are loyal, and
un-tampered with, idiocy and
honestly are hand and hand…apparently,
for most of us, it takes far too long

to see.

Thereafter, in the most ambiguous
of places, dark caverns and clattering,
deviating voices, maligned by
laws that we break, over and over and
over, this endeavor, you know –
loving you, will be the death of me, at
least…that what you want me to say-

isnt it?

Never have you felt so much fear,
loath and hate, than you will, as you cast
your gaze upon the face of the man
that killed you, tell the angels in heaven,
your God that you kneel to, tell
tale hearts always beat in perfect unison,
and if you believe that…then perhaps
my dear you haven’t noticed the knife sticking
so plainly from your back, I could have
sworn you’d have heard yourself scream,
so blind to the blood pooling…

in your wake.

Your gate is poison, the air rushing
through my hair, perhaps that’s why it’s
so thin, the fire within you is nothing
but an excuse for arson, as you lace my lips
with gasoline, you smile with such
perfection, I almost forget to notice the
inflection of your voice, as you lied

to me.

And how does it feel to
have all of me? To take everything
and hide it away within yourself,
you stack hidden agendas, and misaligned
fortunes of untold heartbreak and
stories untold, along the staccato rhythm
of my broke ribs, and stuttering, no
fluttering heartbeat, that once so elegantly
sang your name, but now it screams
in such unknown tones, a voice riddled
with despair, no that’s what you think,
no my dear, sweetheart, when I said “forever
and always”, and you retorted with
“always and forever”, well i should have
known that the shaking in your
voice only equates to rotten flesh, exit
wounds and the most dangerous form

of hate.